It’s 9.30 in the morning; Sameer hastily finished his breakfast as he was getting late for the office and suddenly he realized that he was unable to find his wallet, which as usual he himself must have kept somewhere. He shouted aloud, Shikha “Did you see my wallet?” As if she is the head of lost and found department of the whole house, anyone who’ll not find anything will ask her to search for it. Having no idea about where he kept his wallet, she started searching it along with him, finally the search came to an end when it was found in the pocket of a trouser which he wore yesterday and was lying in the laundry.
This is how her mornings started daily by getting both the kids ready for school, helping them to find their misplaced things and at the same time cooking breakfast and lunch for all of them. Sometimes she felt as if she has become a shuttle cock between the kitchen and rest of the house. Shikha waved to Sameer who left for office without even noticing her smiling face and waving hands. She took a deep breath and jumped into the sofa as now this was only her time and she announced her freedom by playing her favorite music on a very high volume. Holding a big mug of coffee in one hand, which she just prepared for herself and mobile in another she started showing same activeness (which she was displaying in the house since she left the bed in morning till now) on social media too.
It seemed that they were only living together in physical space but their hearts were far away from each other. And they both could feel that the spark which they earlier had in the relationship was missing from last few years. As most of the time Sameer was busy with his office work, Shikha kept herself busy with both the kids and daily household chores. She had made her life revolving around her kids; their food, homework, extra classes and a never ending list of to do work. When Sameer comes back the clock already showed 9’o clock in night, it was the time when Shikha was busy letting her kids eat their dinner. Both of them looked so exhausted that even medicines like revital would also fail to give them energy, not even to discuss their day. And by the time they finished their dinner, the alarm clock said that it’s set for only 6 hours sleep. For Shikha, to wake up early next morning was more important than anything else in the world.
It’s been about a decade she’s trapped in this vicious cycle, which she also enjoyed most of the time. Though at times she often thinks what she has been doing with her own life, it appears that the dreams which she once had in her eyes also flew away with the passing years. And now she has become smart enough to suppress these so called stupid thoughts which knocked her door often and always tried to keep her happiness secondary, having a false belief that making others happy is the only way by which she can find her own happiness. It wasn’t her fault; actually this is how she has seen her mother doing throughout her life.
Don’t you think that we see many people around us who are living the characters of Shikha and Sameer? In spite of everything going in perfect direction, something seems to be missing, which gives us the feeling of vacuum, especially when it comes to marital relations? A question often knocks my door that what happens in due course that people who once lived happily under the same roof, gradually starts feeling so aloof? Actually in this fast moving world we don’t even have time to ask why’s and what’s, therefore finding answers to all these questions is like asking a pig to fly. We don’t have time to find answers, not even when we know that it’ll help us to save our own relationships, contributing to our happiness.
There are small ways by which we can simplify our life, reduce complexities and try to get solutions which might assist us in shortening the distances between two hearts that once made promises to live and die for each other forever.
- Steal small slots of time for self – Every one of us is so busy, running in the never ending race that we forget to even rest for a while and enjoy during the journey, we think we’ll rest once the race ends. But we forget that by the time we’ll reach the end of the race our fellow companions might not be there with us to enjoy or we might not be in a state to enjoy. So let’s not make a habit of postponing things that give us joy. Either, be a tortoise and have fun while running unhurriedly or be a hare and rest for a while after running fast. Just make sure that you steal some time for rejuvenating yourself and the relationship with your partner.
- Treat children as part of your life – Don’t forget that before children came in your life, who stole your heart first. Let them enjoy large chunk of your heart but be sure that you never allow them to steal the corner which you gave to your spouse before they came along. With the expansion of family and the responsibility which comes with expansion, never forget to love and be grateful to the person with whom you started this journey. Always remember, no matter how big a tree grows, taking care only of branches and fruits will not help the tree to sustain for long. We need to water the roots regularly to help it to flourish.
- Take the privilege to bunk off – With a strong conviction that you are not machines or robots; feel free to skip any work if you don’t feel like doing it. Never make yourself rigid about completion of all the daily tasks (May it be office work or daily chores) resulting in physical over exertion followed by increased stress level. You can always take the privilege of postponing some tasks with a belief that any work cannot be more important than your physical health and emotional stability. Always store some energy so that you can spend some time with your love ones and thereby helping you to fulfill your emotional needs. Make sure that you never let your physical fatigue takeover the emotional requirements.
- Start giving priority to yourself – Often we all do this blunder by ignoring our own needs and taking care of everyone around us, many a times on cost of our physical, emotional and mental stability. Let’s stop doing this and start doing justice with our own self by giving due consideration to all our desires, likes, needs, choices and opinions. Need of an hour is to be strong and confident enough to give priority to our wants and desire to fulfill them. If our needs are satisfied, then only we’ll be able to perform our role in the best possible way, by creating happiness inside and around us. And this state will eventually help us in strengthening the relationships.
- Zoom out your life and get a bigger picture – Certainly all of us come across this question as to what are we doing with our life? Where are we going? And like Shikha very smartly we also suppress it and move forward. All what we need is to take a pause and spare some time and try to find out the bigger perspective of our life; which is definitely much beyond taking care of our own family and their requirements. And the moment we’ll be able to find out purpose of our life and start working towards it and justify our existence on this planet earth then we’ll surely achieve the state of blissfulness, which will definitely help us in harmonizing our relations.
“Start prioritizing your life keeping your own needs on the top. Believe me it’s not at all being selfish, it’s all about wearing your oxygen masks first before you go out and try to help others wear their masks.”
Once we are able to breathe properly and get an idea of bigger perspective of life we’ll be able to absorb more beauty around us, while feeling more energy and enthusiasm towards life. If we are happy and quiet within, we’ll be able to send more positive energy to everyone around us resulting in strengthening our relations with our loved ones and shortening the distances which are created due to lack of time and energy.